Posts about: silver girl
Friday, April 15, 2022
Being single was never a deliberate choice but more life ups and downs and in the matter of love, life has given me more than my share of downs.
I tried, made mistakes, tried again, made the same mistakes, tried again, thought i found THE big love and ended up with my heart in million pieces, a burn out, no job... and a painful grief.
Despite my obvious despair and sadness, it did not took long for friends or family to push me to "get back on the saddle".
As they were pushing me to give a new chance to love with this kind of old fashioned expression, i realized they must have had in mind Gene Autry's song while it's the one from Aerosmith that was screaming in my mind... we were not really on the same page and i was definitely not able to get back on any saddle even the most gentle and respectful one.
After some disastrous meetings and even more disastrous dinners and drinks, i stand up for myself and made clear i will go back to it when i would feel it... and by this, i meant "never".
It calmed down for a while but came back in full force after my moving to Sweden.
If i had been able to get back on track with a new job and even change country for it, then i should be able to put some care in my love life.
Well, they were convinced of it, i still was not but eventually accepted the idea of an account on a dating app.
Download the app was the easiest part, the after was painful.
The choice of pictures to make your profile attractive... how would i do that when i was feeling everything but attractive ?
The writing of the presentation pitch... 140 signs to make someone get interested in knowing you more ? a novel with a list of your expectations/preferences ?
Suddenly i felt like being on a stand-up stage having not a single word coming out and a public waiting.
I lost myself on a Google search : how to date after fifty ?
Believe me, you do not want to read anything about the challenges of dating when society already think your expiration date is over since a long time.
The process was painful but i eventually validate my account and got straight in the cruel reality of the app : the swipe game.
As soon as you connect to the App, it offers you a catalogue of profiles that could be potential love match.
If you ever thought it is a chance game, forget it... the app is not a non-profit organization.
All profiles that appear to you are the result of an algorithm... the settings you have yourself chose for your profile, the words you used to describe yourself, the number of pictures you have been uploaded... all datas you have been sharing before your first swipe have already set up the cards.
The algorithm will then follow you on every move.
Number of swipe right/left, on which kind of profiles.
Once datas are digested and analyzed, a new row of profiles... until you find your perfect match... or suscribe to different level of options to "upgrade" your profile and get better chance to have a date with someone who does absolutely not look like the profile pictures and think a long term relationship means a two hours break in an hotel room which expenses you will share because "we are in Sweden, equality is a life rule".
After some uncomfortable, disastrous, painful dates... i ended up deleting my account and retrieved the app from my phone.
The saddle was not comfortable.
My heart was bleeding again.
I was not ready for the love game.
End of story.
▋
A few days after i retrieved the app, i received an invitation mail on messenger.
I still do not know what force pushed me to accept the connection and read the mail but just like that, i found love.
Monday, March 14, 2022
Can we be ever too old for new beginnings ?
A little more than five years ago, i was freelance web editor, keeping up a blog and an instagram account... a period of crisis after a painful grief and loss of a job i have been invested way too much in.
It took me almost a year from leaving Paris to get back in my hometown in the north east of France and began a new job in retail...taking things back from scratch and moving to Sweden... opening a new chapter as professionally as personally, taking this job as a new chance in life at nearly 50 years old when i had already heard many, many times that i was maybe a little too old for new beginnings.
4 years later, i am back to writing a blog, a new one... not that i did not like the one i had before but 5 years without updating it, well... it seemed it was an opportunity to create a new one more fitted to my life as it is now, in Stockholm, still working for the same retail company, clearly over 50 years old with natural grey hair, wrinkles, in the throes of perimenopause and... enjoying a new love in my life.
Was it and is it still difficult to embrace all that changes ?
Yes.
Yes.
Definitely.
Would i do it again if i had the opportunity to step back in time ?
Yes.
Yes.
Definitely.
So here we are, me writing about this new life i am building and hopefully you reading !
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